$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I need moral support for this bender
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's shark week go big or go home
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
