this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
