More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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