shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
