well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize