Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
