booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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