were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
