you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize