i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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