Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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