I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
