Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Holy shit dude........stairs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
