We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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