THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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