i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
