If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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