hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
