just come out here and I will go home with you...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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