i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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