i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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