i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
