If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
