I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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