My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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