sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
