Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
