you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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