bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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