wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
