Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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