I think im going to throw up on grandma
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
