I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You pole danced in your parka.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
