I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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