I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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