she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
