they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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