Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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