i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
