Buhtt sex?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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