If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
