Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
