I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
