ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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