She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
