i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
