Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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