sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize