My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
