I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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