You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
