i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
