i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
PANTIES FOUND
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
