Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
