I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
well you can't waste a boner
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
