Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My dick has a subreddit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.