Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.