i think my tv is drunk
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
