i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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