and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.