Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

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  (913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you. http://tfl.nu/mcnp
  Replies (68) Good night (2143) Bad night (11490)
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.

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  (949): Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class. http://tfl.nu/ne6k
  Replies (7) Good night (800) Bad night (2563)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

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  (425): So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod... http://tfl.nu/hp9q
  Replies (65) Good night (7433) Bad night (1285)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here

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  (815): Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here http://tfl.nu/3q8i
  Replies (36) Good night (929) Bad night (6137)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

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  (778): I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. http://tfl.nu/71jn
  Replies (7) Good night (5189) Bad night (1065)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

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  (843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8
  Replies (14) Good night (4907) Bad night (972)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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  (702): I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave. http://tfl.nu/8hoe
  Replies (17) Good night (3616) Bad night (1425)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5283) Bad night (850)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.

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  (314): pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me. http://tfl.nu/4o8x
  Replies (9) Good night (1493) Bad night (4028)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes

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  (225): it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes http://tfl.nu/e457
  Replies (8) Good night (2505) Bad night (1174)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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  (870): If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you. (1-870): You always know what to say to make me feel better. http://tfl.nu/or61
  Replies (2) Good night (1689) Bad night (504)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?

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  (314): hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay? http://tfl.nu/svsk
  Replies (11) Good night (3431) Bad night (488)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

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  (214): And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy http://tfl.nu/y3l1
  Replies (14) Good night (2105) Bad night (613)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.

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  (314): So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body. http://tfl.nu/xsc0
  Replies (3) Good night (273) Bad night (651)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.

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  (717): So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel. http://tfl.nu/c4fx
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (144)

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