Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.

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(202): He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex. http://tfl.nu/r46t

Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (2611)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.

(310): View more from California

So you didn't like Bolt?

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(404): Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later. (310): So you didn't like Bolt? http://tfl.nu/dqy6

Replies (2) Good night (3094) Bad night (597)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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(802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af

Replies (17) Good night (739) Bad night (3960)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.

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(717):Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine. (1-717):That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with. http://tfl.nu/pv3h

Replies (17) Good night (4097) Bad night (637)
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(734): View more from Michigan

similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

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(734): similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well. http://tfl.nu/7lvz

Replies (143) Good night (4390) Bad night (889)
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(813): View more from Florida

for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!

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(813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! http://tfl.nu/r22y

Replies (51) Good night (6811) Bad night (933)
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(571): View more from Virginia

You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Darwin at his finest.

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(571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd

Replies (25) Good night (5941) Bad night (1271)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

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(405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h

Replies (6) Good night (3787) Bad night (922)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...

(413): View more from Massachusetts

how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers

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(781): he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness... (413): how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers http://tfl.nu/137y

Replies (10) Good night (5665) Bad night (1031)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.

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(+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina. http://tfl.nu/fp84

Replies (21) Good night (1974) Bad night (568)
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(406): View more from Montana

I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!

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(406): I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before! http://tfl.nu/id35

Replies (10) Good night (1532) Bad night (488)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.

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(952): He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy. http://tfl.nu/1isp

Replies (5) Good night (1055) Bad night (631)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even

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(757): Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even http://tfl.nu/st9j

Replies (7) Good night (715) Bad night (589)
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(850): View more from Florida

Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.

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(850): Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore. http://tfl.nu/g2ed

Replies (2) Good night (337) Bad night (606)
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(315): View more from New York

is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?

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(315): is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it? http://tfl.nu/ubf5

Replies (5) Good night (337) Bad night (471)

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