Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
