Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
True strength comes from lack of pants
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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