Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
