this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
