I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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