Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
