Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
not ubering you a puppy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
