Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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