If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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