If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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