I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
