I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
