I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
