i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
