You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face