halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
