Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize