My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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