Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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