I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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