so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
