You smell like stripper and shame
Best friends brother. Beat that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
