Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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