the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize