well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
