guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
