It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
