I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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