I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
