I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
