nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
