I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
